420 ftw
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
