I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
