i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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