The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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