halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
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i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
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I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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