I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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