I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
