her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
