she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
