I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
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All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
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Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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