There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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