Sorry, I don't speak sober.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
