I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
