she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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