I wanna bring you to show and tell
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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