I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
