So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
