Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
