Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
