Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
