So drunk its hurt
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
