I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
