Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
