I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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