Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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