I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
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I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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