I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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