When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
