I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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