did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
