I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
