yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
