I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
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You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
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I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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