I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
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She's like a pop up book from hell.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
FUCK WHALES
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