sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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