I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
