i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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