ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
