eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
