chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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