I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize