so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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