Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize