i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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