So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
