Quick, to the slutcave!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Rumble strips road head = magical
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Randomize
