I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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