I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
