hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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