I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
