'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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