you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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