you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
