Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
