Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
