Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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