Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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