New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
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I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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