Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
