I wish I could teleport
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
