He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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