just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
