yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
