I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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