He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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