i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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