Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
